There is no validation in Motherhood alone. Validation is a big part of who we are as human beings but it is not something we should be actively seeking as mothers. Yes you can feel joy when you see your child do something you taught him. You can be relieved he looked both ways before crossing the street and has a sense of keeping safe or be proud when you watch him walk down the aisle at High School graduation. But non of this is really about you. You molded the clay but the clay was there. You helped the clay become something magical but the magic was already inherent within. You don’t make your children what they are you bring it out of them.

Being honest with yourself and seeing things as they are is a very important in obtaining happiness. It’s impossible to find self-worth solely in being a mom, and honestly, you shouldn’t be looking for it there anyway. You may be the center of the universe to your family, but that’s just because you hold it together . It may be a difficult truth to face, but if you want your only validation as a human being to come from your role as a mother and/or wife, with nothing else to hang your hat on, you’re going to be disappointed. Motherhood is an “invisible” job, a selfless job. Validation of who you are has to come from various places, not motherhood alone.

That is why I wasn’s suprised when I read the Wall Street Journal article,Is Working Good for Mom’s Health? Our society no longer respects or values the stay-at-home mom (SAHM.) Unlike the 50′s where roles were clearly defined and a mom/homemaker was a respected job it seems to be looked at as some type of “luxury” now. Both by society and men/husbands. No wonder SAHM’s were the most unhappy and had the highest depression rate. No matter how clean your house is, how beautiful your meal is on the dinner table, how smart your kids are, how much you volunteer there is no validation offered. As a matter of fact you could encounter criticism that you are an “overbearing” mom, a “helicopter mom” and that you should ” get a life.”

Woman now come into marriages working, financially contributing to the marriage. We are independent and interesting women with world experience. We are not coming from our parents house to our husbands house anymore. Unfortunately, the role of a SAHM hasn’t changed (if anything they have added “guilt’ to the mixture.) At least back then women were free to get their hair done, play Gin Rummy, smoke and cocktail in the middle of the day.) Try to do any of those things now and not only watch the judgement pour in but you will probably have social services knocking at your door. Our husbands are used to independent women who can contribute financially (that is how we entered the marriage) now they have all the pressure of being the sole provider and some how being a SAHM has been viewed as some “vacation.” The model doesn’t work for anyone, the result nobody is happy.

I am in no way minimizing the role of a mother. It’s the most important job anyone could ever have. All I am saying is that in order to be happy you need to have something beyond your role as a mother, something you are passionate about, that you can unleash from within, that will bring you a sense of joy that’s all your own. I guarantee your husband does and so do your kids, why not you?

© 2011 Barbara Machen, co-author of The Mothers of Reinvention: Reclaim Your Identity, Unleash Your Potential, Love Your Life

Author Bio
Barbara Machen, co-author of The Mothers of Reinvention: Reclaim Your Identity, Unleash Your Potential, Love Your Life, is the mother of twins, India and Soraya, and lives in Los Angeles with her husband of twelve years, Shahrad. Raised by a single mother on government assistance, Barb received a full scholarship to the University of Southern California, graduating with a BA in Communications. By age twenty-five, Barb owned her own marketing company, but after becoming a mother, she quickly learned how it felt to go from a confident woman to a scared and insecure mother. This led her to co-create and co­ host the award-winning web series “Jen and Barb, Mom Life.”

For more information please visit http://www.jenandbarb.com, and follow the authors on Facebook and Twitter

Start with a Small Area
Some people tend to get overwhelmed easily when faced with an immense challenge. If you are such a person, you may want to consider taking things slowly. Start by cleaning a small area such as a bedroom cabinet or drawer. The key is to get you started with organizing. Continue organizing small niches and soon you will be able to get a hang of it and de-clutter and organize your entire home.

Clearing Up Space
A home filled with clutter can give you a headache. Unless you have impeccable memory, it will take you longer to find the stuff that you need if they are not organized properly. There is also a high probability that you may have kept things longer than necessary. Trash eats up just as much space as the useful items and information kept in your home. Keep at least four boxes labeled Trash, Donate, Sell and Relocate. Objects placed in the Trash box should be thrown away. Items in the Donate box can be given off to friends, family, neighbors or a charity of your choice. You may also consider selling some items, giving you additional funds while sorting out the clutter. The Relocate box or basket is for items that need to be moved to a different room or location. These four containers are only a guide and should not be used as the definite standard. Feel free to add more containers to suit your needs and fancy.

Redesigning the Home to be Clutter-Free
•    Using Storage Space
There are many gadgets you can use to organize the home including furniture such as cabinets, drawers to accessories such as bins and organizers. These can be used to store dried goods such as clothes, tools, toys, food and other items. When it comes to organizing items, one way to make it easier for you to keep track of items and where you placed them is to limit one kind of item to a certain storage bin or cabinet. For instance, you can use one drawer in your cabinet to store all of your socks and underwear, the next one to store your belts and ties and another one to store your jewelries and accessories.

•    Maximizing Storage Space
Look around your home and you will find that there are lots of areas where you can store away items. With the exception of solid platform beds, most types of beds have a gap between the base holding the mattress and the floor. You can use this gap to store away items such as extra pillows, comforters and sheets. There are a number of bed frames that already include a form of storage box underneath the bed. If you are buying a simpler type of frame, you can choose from a wide variety of storage containers made specifically for beds. Some include wheels to make it easier to pull the container out from under the bed. These types of storage containers tend to be shorter but wider to allow you to slide the container underneath the bed. To hide them from view, you can use sheets with skirts.

Storing Items
•    Clothes
The key to keeping the home clutter-free is to use organizers. There are several closet design ideas you can choose from. If you are buying new furniture, choose pieces that double as storage. This is especially useful in small spaces such as apartments. If you have existing storage furniture, you can reuse them to save on cash. Use hangers in different colors to organize your clothes. For instance, you can use red hangers for skirts and black hangers for dresses and gowns.  This will make it easier and quicker for you to pick and combine clothes stored in easy closets.

There are clothes that you do not use on a regular basis. Unlike other types of items, you may find it harder to dispose of your unused or rarely used clothing immediately. One way to free up closet space is to place such clothes in boxes. This is useful in the case of formal attire that you may only use once a year or during special occasions.

•    Footwear
Shoes, sandals and other types of footwear will carry dirt and grime from other places that you visited. As a tip on how to organize your home, try placing a shoe rack near the doorway. This is a subtle way to tell guests and other residents where they can place their footwear. Other simple shoe storage solutions include a tray or even a door mat. The chosen rack should provide adequate air circulation to allow wet shoes and footwear to dry and breathe.

•    Jackets
Wet jackets, coats and umbrellas can cause similar problems as that of footwear. To keep them tidy, place coat and umbrella racks near the door. The shoe racks can be positioned underneath for easy access. Much like the shoe rack, it does not have to be fancy. The objective is to let the item dry naturally. As an alternative, you can use pegs, hooks and hall trees to function as coat storage devices while wicker baskets can function as umbrella holders.

•    Tools
For some people, the garage functions more than just a place to hold one’s car. The same space can function as a workshop or storage facility. It can hold a variety of tools including hardware, paints and the like.  Simple garage organization ideas include attaching a pegboard to a wall near your work space or table.  You can mount the tools on the pegboard offering you easy access. Use of adjustable pegs, hooks and shelves allow you to rearrange tools and items in the garage whenever necessary. Another alternative is placing similar tools and hardware such as screws and nails in similar containers. Place all of the tools and supplies that you frequently use on a table, rack or movable cabinet near the door. This way, you can easily obtain the tools that you need whenever necessary.

Seeing too many different containers inside the garage can still be an eyesore. Installing curtains can work just as well as cabinet doors. The objective is to create a false wall or a more seamless surface to hide the containers and tools.

Keeping the Home Organized
Once you have sorted out and organized your stuff, you should make an effort to keep it that way. If you remove items from their containers, make sure to put them back once you have finished using them. There are items that you can only use for a short amount of time. Once you have finished using them, decide quickly what you want to do with the items. Do not tuck them away thinking you might use them in the future. Keep in mind that keeping useless items can only add more clutter to your home.

Scheduling Tasks
Other than organizing your home to be more visually pleasing, you will also need to organize your thoughts and activities. A calendar can help you keep track of what day it is and the tasks you need to do for that day. Crossing off the days can also give you a sense of accomplishment that you have completed the goals you have previously set. Getting a planner is also suggested. A planner functions in a similar way as a calendar but offers you more space to write details on the tasks you need to accomplish.

Organizing Thoughts
Besides a planner and a calendar, you should also consider getting a notebook. Carry a pen and notebook with you wherever you go. This is a great way to jot down lists of tasks, notes and other information that you may not be able to write on your planner or calendar. It is a more organized way to write down ideas than collecting scrap pieces of paper.

There are numerous other ways to help you organize your home. Mind you that not all of these tips will work for you or your situation. As such, you will need to experiment and see which works. The key to understanding how to organize your life at home effectively is to remember that it is a continuous process. Do not expect your entire life to be clutter-free with a day’s worth of organizing. You will need to keep working at it to yield the best results.

Traditional summer camps are generally located in rural areas where children and teenagers can spend several weeks or more during their summer vacation from school. A vast array of activities are usually offered at general camps, but parents also have an option of choosing from a wide selection of specific summer camp themes.

Benefits

Attending summer camp can enrich a teenager’s or child’s life in a variety of ways. Summer camp games and other activities foster independence in their participants, while at the same time teaching the attendees how to compromise and adapt to group living. For this reason such camps help school age girls and boys to broaden their social skills and use previously untapped inner resources. Participants learn to get along with various individuals from diversified backgrounds, rather than fall into the social or racial cliques that are sometimes seen in schools. In addition, summer camps for teens also heighten their awareness of the relationship between nature and people.

Types

Although general camps are the most common, families also have the option of enrolling their youngsters in camps that center on particular sports or activities. The following are some specialized camps that are currently quite popular with children and teens. However, many more options exist in virtually any area of interest.

Educational Enrichment Camps

Academic enrichment camps offer courses for teenagers or children who want or need supplemental education. Camps are also available that provide new challenges for gifted or academically advanced students. The material covered in educational enrichment camps may include coursework in subjects such as physical and life sciences, music, engineering, mathematics, digital arts, computer assisted design, linguistics, technology and other disciplines.

Religious Camps

Religious camps for youngster are also an option parents may wish to consider. Such camps are usually Christian or Jewish and may also be divided based on denomination. Religious-themed camps usually focus on teaching the values of the aforementioned religions or other spiritual or religious tenets. However, those who attend such camps are also offered the same recreational activities provided by secular summer camps, such as sports, arts and crafts, hiking, swimming or other traditional activities in which children and teenagers enjoy participating.

Basketball Camp

Basketball summer camps are geared toward youngsters who are avid basketball fans and who are interested in sharpening their skills. The latter can be accomplished while making friends and enjoying other camp activities. Basketball camps can be found for beginners, those with intermediate skills and children who are highly skilled in the sport. Most camps of this type offer a wide variety of basketball related activities and training.

Baseball Camps

There is no off season for children who are passionate about baseball. Therefore, summer baseball camps are the ideal choice for children and teens who want to sharpen their skills over the summer. Not only will such an opportunity give them a chance to improve their game, but it will also re-emphasize the importance of teamwork and sportsmanship. Baseball camps that specialize are also an option, including those that focus on catching, hitting or pitching.

Special Needs Camps

Special needs camps provide a wonderful avenue through which children or teens with specific physical or emotional needs can enjoy a higher quality of life. Participation in such camps also presents an opportunity for such teenagers to acquire professional attention and help that is targeted to their specific needs. These types of summer camps typically offer a combination of both therapeutic and recreational activities.

Selecting the Most Suitable Camp

There are thousands of residential summer camps in North America. For this reason, many families may feel a bit overwhelmed when the time has come to choose the best camp from the vast array of options that exist. However, if thought is given to several considerations, one may find that this task is not as difficult as he or she initially thought.

The first task on which parents should focus is to discover the type of camp in which their teenager or child is interested. It is never wise to select a camp and send the youngster off without involving him or her in the decision making process. The teen or child should be questioned with regard to which activities or sports he or she finds appealing.

Parents should also keep in mind that many of the best camps fill their spots as early as a year in advance. For this reason, numerous families will begin their search for an appropriate camp a full year before their child’s attendance is planned.

Additional Considerations

Cost is obviously something that a family must consider as well when a camp is chosen. Parents who are working with a strict budget will be happy to know that many summer camps for teens offer payment plans. Some camps even provide scholarships, but this will vary from one organization to another.

It is also essential to discover the track record of any camp one’s child or teen will be attending. Asking for referrals from other parents or reading online reviews are ideal ways through which this can be accomplished. If a family is concerned about a particular camp, whether such concerns are about the competence of its staff or the overall quality of the facilities, they should visit the American Camping Association Accrediting Agency website. This site offers detailed information about numerous reputable camps throughout the country.

Those who attend summer camps for teens will have the opportunity to create enjoyable memories that will last a lifetime. Regardless of the activities that are selected, attending summer camp is an excellent way for children and teenagers of all ages and backgrounds to experience a better quality of life.

The Montessori method of teaching is especially suitable to the
preschooler who wants to do everything by himself. Finding ways in
which your child can participate in the cleaning, washing,
cooking, gardening and other ‘adult’ activities sets the perfect
backdrop for the learning experience. By providing such
opportunities for independence, the child’s self-esteem also gets
a huge boost.

Artistic, cultural and scientific activities abound in the
Montessori 3-6 class. There is no TV, junk food, or computer.
Material is selected carefully. The child is never forced to work.
Instead he is encouraged to do things that interest him, and the
teacher picks up the teaching from cues given by the child.  The
Montessori method focuses on the child’s inborn ability to learn
from his surroundings. Thus the teacher aims to encourage the
natural curiosity of the child. He is never forced to learn or
explore. When the child understands why he needs to learn
something, he will love the learning process.

If social concerns are worrying you, look for interest-oriented
associations, clubs and societies. These offer a lot of support
for leaders, opportunity for shared experience, and foster a sense
of belonging. Make up your own group or share this responsibility
with someone else. Home education support groups provide fantastic
opportunities to meet your child’s needs. This is the best way to
develop intelligent, self-motivated, healthy and able young
people.

If the growing burden of some of the higher level Math or Science
seems to be beyond you, enlist the help of someone who knows more.
You can even barter your own services and thus save some money.
With homeschooling becoming more and more popular, support groups
will have innumerable resources that help you find the right
teacher for your child.

The underlying principle that guides homeschooling is this: any
child has the innate capacity to grow, develop and achieve his or her
full potential. All they need is the right environment and all the
right answers. Be there to provide these and think twice before
you turn over this responsibility to a third party.

Homeschooling gives you more control over the influences that
affect your child. The growth and development of your child
is removed from the realm of the unknown. You, and you alone
can decide what your child needs to do or learn. Tailoring
the curriculum to suit the needs and interests of the child
is one of the most obvious benefits of homeschooling

Individual attention is another salient benefit of
homeschooling. For instance, if your daughter needs more time to learn
Math, then she can reduce the time for her English lessons.
There are no fixed hours of learning per subject. This means
that a child has the advantage of assigning more hours to the subject that seems tough WITHOUT any additional pressure. The amount of time needed to learn each subject
will depend on the abilities and interests of the child.

The schooling of the child becomes an extended family activity.
Parents get involved in every step of the learning procedure.
Field trips and experiments become family activities. Thus,
the child receives more quality time with his parents. The
entire family shares games, chores and projects. Family
closeness becomes the focus here. The child is also free of
any negative peer pressure while making choices and decisions.

Competition is limited when it comes to homeschooling. The
child does not need to prove his ability with regards to other
children. His confidence remains intact. Since parents have a
deep understanding of their child, they can plan the learning
program to pique the child’s interest. It is also possible to
intersperse difficult tasks with fun activities. A tough hour
with Algebra can be followed by a trip to the nearest museum.
Learning becomes fun. Parents can also tailor the curriculum to
suit the learning style of the child. Some children learn through
reading, while others need to write, and still others need to see
objects in action.

Homeschooling allows parents to take control over the moral and
religious learning of the child. Parents have the flexibility to
incorporate their beliefs and ideologies into the child’s curriculum.
There is no confusion in the child’s mind either because there is
no variation between what is being taught and what is being practiced.

Lastly, more and more parents are getting disillusioned with the
public school system. They believe that their children are being
pushed too hard or too little. Other worrying issues pertaining to
discipline and ethics also make the school system less welcome. Many
repudiate the educational philosophy of grouping children solely on
the basis of their age. Some parents themselves have unhappy memories
of their own public school experience that motivates them to opt for
homeschooling when it comes to their own children.

Homeschooling is the best way to teach a child if you have the time,
the ability and the interest to follow through with his education. After
all, nobody can understand or appreciate your child more than yourself.

The Charlotte Mason method:
Charlotte Mason is known as the founder of the homeschooling
movement. A homeschooler herself, she was passionate in her zeal
to lay out the foundations for an effective a complete
homeschooling program that is fun and educational at the same
time. This method focuses on all the core subjects with emphasis
placed on classical literature, poetry, fine arts, classical music
and craft. Mason used a variety of books from classical
literature, which she called ‘Living Books’. Since this method
encourages a passionate awareness of literature, the child is read
to daily from the ‘Living Books’. After this, the child is asked
to narrate what she has heard. This process begins at the age of
six, and by ten the child is expected to write her narrations in
her book. Mason also advocated the use of ‘Nature Diaries’. After
each short and interesting lesson, the child is asked to go to
Nature and draw observations from Nature. Thus the child also
gains a sense of respect for her environment. Mason believed that
development of good character and behavior was essential to the
complete development of the child’s personality.

Eclectic Homeschooling:
This is a mixture of various homeschooling techniques. Here, the
innovative parents trust their own judgment and pick out the
topics that make the best curriculum for their child. Such parents
continuously look out for the best products that will meet the
needs of their homeschoolers. Most Eclectic homeschooling
curriculums are improvised. This means that the basic curriculum
is ready-made. The parents then make changes in the curriculum to
accommodate the individual needs and interests of their children.
The child’s gifts, temperament, learning style and interests
dictate the curriculum. Eclectic programs include visits to the
museum, libraries and factories.

Unschooling:
A Boston public educator name John Holt laid the beginnings of the
unschooling method. He believed that children learned best when
they are free to learn at their own pace and when they are guided
by their own interests. His message was to ‘unschool’ the child.
This method is a hands-on approach to learning, where the parent
takes definite cues from the children. There is no definite
curriculum, schedules or materials. This method is the most
unstructured of the various homeschooling techniques.

The Montessori Method:
This method began in Italy, when it was observed that children
have acute sensitive periods, during which they undergo periods of
intense concentration. During such phases, a child will repeat an
activity till he gains a measure of self-satisfaction. The
Montessori method depends on a prepared environment to facilitate
learning. All the materials used in this method are designed to
satisfy the inner desire for spiritual development of the child.
The materials used progress from simple to complex, and are rather
expensive.

These are just a few of the methods of homeschooling. Whatever the
method, the underlying factor is flexibility and a keen interest
in the desires of the child. The secret is to use the child’s
desire for knowledge to further his education.

If you homeschool your children and would like to submit a guest postabout your experiences, please send an email to editorial@summitseriesforfamilies.com

Many famous and successful people have been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. And historians even suggest that Einstein and Mozart each suffered from this disorder, although there wasn’t a name for it during their lifetime. It is important to note that no form of autism is a form of mental retardation. In fact, most people with Asperger Syndrome are very intelligent. Asperger Syndrome does not dictate mental ability, but rather makes it difficult for people to communicate in social settings, much in the same way a typical autistic child has trouble with behavior in groups. When this disorder goes undiagnosed, children do not get the help they need, leading to problems in school such as bullying. Most children are relieved to find out they have Asperger Syndrome instead of just thinking they are less of a person. By getting diagnosed, not only can you or your child put a name to the problems, but it is then also possible to get treated to improve your overall situation.

Some symptoms to watch out for if you suspect Asperger Syndrome are some of the same symptoms that people with full-blown autism experience. This includes social confusion, first and foremost. Many people with Asperger Syndrome find it very difficult to deal with transition or change, wanting everything to stay the same. A quickly changing environment is especially confusing. People with Asperger Syndrome also may say rude or inappropriate things when they don’t mean to do so, and may not be able to understand others’ thought processes. Another common trait they share with autistic individuals is fixation, although people with Asperger Syndrome usually have more control over their fixations, which take the form of highly focused interests. If you suspect yourself or a loved one of this disorder, these are just a few of the signs for which you should be watching. You doctor should be able to answer further questions and provide both reading material and treatment for this disorder.

Children and ADHD Symptoms

The following symptoms in children are signs you may need to have your child evaluated by a doctor:

• Lack of Focus – Many people mistake the lack of focus associated with ADHD as the normal short attention span found in young children. However, there is a difference. Children with ADHD aren’t usually able to concentrate on anything regardless of the child’s interest in the subject or activity.
• Highly Disruptive – Children with ADHD don’t want to be disruptive, but they just can’t help it. If your child has to always be in motion and is often disruptive regardless of your attempts to control the behavior, he/she may have ADHD.
• Acts on Impulse – Children with ADHD don’t have the ability to “think things through” and will often act on impulse. It may be that they interrupt frequently, ask irrelevant questions or have constant tantrums.
• Always in Motion – Children with ADHD have a need to be in constant motion, almost as if they aren’t able to sit still. These kids aren’t bad kids, in fact many try to sit still when asked, they just can’t.

Adults and ADHD

The signs and symptoms of ADHD vary from children to adults. Below are the most common symptoms found in adults with Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder:

• Easily Angered – Many adults with ADHD aren’t able to control their emotions and often have angry outbursts. If this is a normal occurrence for your loved one, he/she may have ADHD.
• Lack of Concentration – This is a shared symptom of ADHD for both children and adults. Adults with ADHD often find it difficult to focus on one thing without their mind wandering off and thinking about something else.
• Lack of Organization – Adults with ADHD usually struggle with getting organized. This is usually true for their homes and work place. The lack of organization may even extend to their social lives too.
• Intense Focus – A common technique many adults with ADHD teach themselves to do is to focus extremely hard on a topic or activity that they find fulfilling. This is known as “hyperfocus” and it is a way for those with ADHD to block out all the other distractions. However, while they are focusing on something, this is still a symptom of ADHD and should be checked out.