A child’s world today includes nonstop media messages that encourage very limiting gender identities.  It’s easy enough to find the toys for girls in any toy store—just look for the isles that feature an abundance of pink packaging.  There you’ll find pretty dresses, makeup and a variety of dolls and accessories that easily compliment the popular television shows or movies they’re based on.  The boys isles are similar- with very masculine colors, and often, violent toys.    As Diane Levin pointed out in her book, So Sexy So Soon, “girls learn at a very young age that their value is determined by how beautiful, thin, “hot” and sexy they are.  And boys are taught to judge girls based on how close they come to an artificial, impossible and shallow ideal.”

It would be nice to shield our children from certain images or messages we deem inappropriate but that’s not always realistic.  How many times can you say “NO” to your son or daughter and still encourage open communication?  In the book, co-written with Jean Kilbourne, the authors list twelve reasons why just saying no is not enough and they include the fact that it’s an exhausting, never-ending process and it doesn’t solve the problem.  You can say no to certain television programs or computer usage at your own house, but that doesn’t stop the exposure at a friend’s house or shopping mall.  You can forbid your daughter from wearing a certain style of clothing, but more than a few have been known to change their attire at a friend’s house or the bathroom at school.

The problem, they point out, is not that children today are learning about sex and sexuality, but that the lessons they are learning have a negative impact on their understanding of gender, sexuality and relationships. 

The book offers real-life examples of situations parents face everyday—from someone’s daughter obsessed with being thin so boys will like her more, to someone else’s son viewing pornography at a play date.  The authors show how a willingness to listen and really hear what your child is saying, and resisting the urge to put our own interpretations on what our children are telling us can go a long way to helping our children navigate the minefield of confusing and, often, disturbing messages they encounter. 

Diane Levin is co-founder of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood www.commercialfreechildhood.org and Teachers Resisting Unhealthy Children’s Entertainment www.truceteachers.org.  Both sites offer excellent resources for parents and for teachers.  

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