If you’ve ever dreamed of slowing down, selling all your stuff and moving abroad, Maya Frost can tell you how to do it.  If the fact that you’ve got kids makes it seem like it might be a bad idea, she’ll give you some very convincing arguments why it’s not.  And if you’re the parent of a teenager and you’re interested in ideas that can help your student stay motivated and excited about learning, instead of bogged down in the stress and competition of SAT scores and AP classes, you need to read her book if you haven’t already. 

The new Global Student, Skip the SAT, Save Thousands on Tuition, and Get a Truly International Education is a valuable resource for anyone who is ready to take control of their own education.  Maya joined us last night (at 10:00 pm from Buenos Aires!) to discuss her book and her family’s experiences since they left their suburban home in 2005. 

Her book includes the stories of students from all across the country who have packed their bags, moved abroad and embraced new cultures and languages.  The self confidence, cultural awareness, flexibility and language skills gained from this “bold school” approach is what makes these kids stand out in a crowded job market.   Her book is not about traveling with a group of American students abroad for a single semester, to enjoy an international “party” but rather a practical alternative to the stress and limitations of going the traditional high school route.

The New Global Student encourages you to question the logic of your current path and provides creative options for finishing high school early, beginning your college classes ahead of time and skipping the SAT in the process. 

For more information on Maya Frost go to http://www.mayafrost.com/

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Last night’s event with Joanne Stern reinforced so many of the messages we’ve been hearing throughout our series.  Her book, Parenting Is A Contact Sport, offers practical advice for communicating and really connecting with your kids.  The examples she shares from her experiences in raising her two daughters proves that there are no perfect kids and no perfect parents, but that building strong bonds pays off when families face challenges that could otherwise pull them apart. 

Early in the book (pg 2) she challenges us to think about what our reaction would be to really shocking news from one of our kids and points out: “That’s when you’d either make it or break it with your children, because that’s when they’d learn whether you’re open and compassionate or judgmental and critical.  That’s when your kids would decide whether to trust you with their difficult stuff.”    

This reminded me so much of what I learned from our discussion a couple weeks back when we discussed So Sexy So Soon with Diane Levin.  As a parent of a seven year old, I haven’t been faced with the issue of drugs and alcohol or sexting yet, but I’m learning  that my reaction to the things that are important in her life now are already giving her signals as to how open I am to discussing things that might be uncomfortable.  In the end, we want our kids to choose to come to us when they’re confused, or curious or scared about the big things in their life.  The goal is to create a “safe” environment for your kids to talk to you about everything.  If we send the message that certain topics are off-limits, they’ll find someone else to talk to.

Teenagers are faced with a lot of choices and challenges as they navigate the internet, exposure to drugs and alcohol, peer pressure and media messages.  Parenting is a Contact Sport shows you how to build the type of bond with your teen that makes it safe for them to come to you for advice and support.  And, like Vanessa Van Petten warned a couple weeks ago in our series, if you resort to snooping to find out what’s going on in your teen’s life,  you’ve violated their trust and it takes a long time to rebuild that bond.  Dr. Stern’s book shows you how to build the type of relationship that makes snooping completely unnecessary.

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Even if you’re not a stepmom, you’ll love Izzy Rose’s book, The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom.  And if you are a stepmom, you’re in good company-there are something like 20 million of you out there, in this country alone!  Today’s family is becoming more blended and extended, as if the upcoming holidays weren’t stressful enough!

But there is good news.  As complicated as family life can be for both adults and kids when it comes to divorce, second marriages, stepkids and custody issues; there are families out there making it work.  Izzy Rose endured almost every major life change you can experience  within her first year of marriage and managed to keep her sense of humor in the process.  After looking for other stepmoms to bond with, and not finding many, she started her own blog and started connecting both online and off with women who needed to vent about and celebrate the challenges they face as stepmoms.

She’s emerged as resource for stepmothers throughout the country through her site and blog www.stepmothersmilk.com and encourages other women to connect locally in their own cities for support as well. 

In our discussion last night she noted that websites and resources for stepmoms are more prevalent now than just a few years ago and stressed how important it is to connect with girlfriends who can relate to what you’re going through. 

Marriage takes work and raising kids can be challenging.  Imagine becoming an instant first-time mom to teenage boys, quitting your job, moving to a new town, and trying to find your identity.  All in the first year of your marriage.  Now read the book, and learn how someone actually managed to do just that, and maintain her sense of humor and style along the way.

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A child’s world today includes nonstop media messages that encourage very limiting gender identities.  It’s easy enough to find the toys for girls in any toy store—just look for the isles that feature an abundance of pink packaging.  There you’ll find pretty dresses, makeup and a variety of dolls and accessories that easily compliment the popular television shows or movies they’re based on.  The boys isles are similar- with very masculine colors, and often, violent toys.    As Diane Levin pointed out in her book, So Sexy So Soon, “girls learn at a very young age that their value is determined by how beautiful, thin, “hot” and sexy they are.  And boys are taught to judge girls based on how close they come to an artificial, impossible and shallow ideal.”

It would be nice to shield our children from certain images or messages we deem inappropriate but that’s not always realistic.  How many times can you say “NO” to your son or daughter and still encourage open communication?  In the book, co-written with Jean Kilbourne, the authors list twelve reasons why just saying no is not enough and they include the fact that it’s an exhausting, never-ending process and it doesn’t solve the problem.  You can say no to certain television programs or computer usage at your own house, but that doesn’t stop the exposure at a friend’s house or shopping mall.  You can forbid your daughter from wearing a certain style of clothing, but more than a few have been known to change their attire at a friend’s house or the bathroom at school.

The problem, they point out, is not that children today are learning about sex and sexuality, but that the lessons they are learning have a negative impact on their understanding of gender, sexuality and relationships. 

The book offers real-life examples of situations parents face everyday—from someone’s daughter obsessed with being thin so boys will like her more, to someone else’s son viewing pornography at a play date.  The authors show how a willingness to listen and really hear what your child is saying, and resisting the urge to put our own interpretations on what our children are telling us can go a long way to helping our children navigate the minefield of confusing and, often, disturbing messages they encounter. 

Diane Levin is co-founder of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood www.commercialfreechildhood.org and Teachers Resisting Unhealthy Children’s Entertainment www.truceteachers.org.  Both sites offer excellent resources for parents and for teachers.  

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